One Drunken Night… Tale 1: Twenty Times Three

DISCLAIMER: Although this tale happened when I was 20, which is NOT the legal age to be drinking in USA, I do not encourage this. Cut me some slack.
2ND DISCLAIMER: Despite the nature of these anecdotes, I am clearly a social drinker and nothing more, but this should definitely go without saying. Know your limits, eat some food before you drink, learn how to handle your liq, and NEVER drink and drive.

Now that that’s out of the way, it’s STORYTIIIIIIIIIIIME!32770107

I’m gonna take you  back to May 26th, 2014, aka my 20th birthday. My first year as a non-teenager! Exciting, right?!
So my birthday day was okay; I went with my mom and little brother to the movies to see X-Men: Days of Future Past. Of course, just like other action movies, she didn’t like it. That’s not the most important part, though.
Since my birthday also fell on Memorial Day (I know, how inconvenient that the most important holiday ever clashes with Memorial Day, am I right?), my brother was throwing a party at his house. Since it was my birthday, I said yes and went over there. I saw him and a bunch of his other friends at the pool/tiki bar and helped myself to one Corona. Now, let me tell you:



Except not totally.

So trying a Corona was a new experience for me. Did it taste just like other beers I’ve tasted? Yes. Did I stop drinking it? No. Because it’s my damn birthday, that’s why!
I managed to down the whole bottle before I got to work on another, just casually watching everyone and shooting the breeze with random people as I took sip after sip. After my second Corona, I took my first shot ever of Fireball then went on to my 3rd Corona of the night, if you can actually believe that.
After I’ve pretty much finished Corona #4; and no, that is not a typo, I saunter over to the ping-pong table to play not one, but THREE flip cup games in a row. I barely remember if I won any of them; all I know was it was probably Bud Light involved. After my last flip cup game concluded, I went inside to use the bathroom…then helped myself to a PBR in the fridge. Yes, THAT PBR. The hipster beer. I opened the can, took one sip, and the look on my face could have rivaled one of a kid who just popped five Sour Patch Kids in his mouth. When I tell you it tasted bad….

tumblr_m8bq3zrwym1rd2qw6o1_400Never. Again.

Anyways, my other brother came to pick me up. While I’m in the car, I’m reassuring him that I’m not drunk! Although, let’s face it; when I walked into the house I ran (or made an attempt to considering how wasted I got) straight to my mom’s toilet, where I vomited three times. Each time I vomited was harder than the first. My mom came and held my hair back in the process. My head was so heavy that it remained on the toilet for a good 30 seconds and if it wasn’t for my mom and brother lifting me back up to help me get it together, I would’ve gone night-night so hard right then and there. After a wash-off in the shower and a change of clothes, I KO’d in my mom’s bed, swearing to myself, “I will NEVER do this again!” Little did I know, this was just the beginning of some zany adventures to come in this wonderful decade of our lives called our twenties.

For a very long time, I couldn’t drink Corona because of this very time that I got so drunk off of it. Of course, this happened two years ago, so with time I’ve let go of that apprehension and can drink one with ease. Ironically, it’s one of the only beers I will have at anyplace without hesitation. Then again I’ve never tried a lot of beers yet, but there’s always time!

Abeni, out!


How I Deal With My . Cramps

Oh yeah, I’m going there.

As I’m writing this post, I’m getting pre-cramps as we speak. They’re not exactly super painful like the real cramps are, but they’re definitely there and making their presence known. That can only mean one thing (no Drake).

My period is on the way.


Seriously, it’s no wonder I’ve been feeling melancholy the past few days. It always feels like forever since I had my last period, and yet when it does come around again it just serves as a reminder that time flies….

My cramps can become very unbearable. When they hit, they’re so powerful that sometimes I can’t even get out of my bed. In these times, I don’t wanna deal with anybody or anything, I just wanna go straight to the toilet and back to my bed so I can writhe in pain. When I was in high school, sometimes they got so bad that I had to call my mom to pick me up so I could go home. It was THAT BAD. And forget the freaking period cramps themselves, don’t you just love when the pre-period stuff starts coming in? I sure do…NOT. It’s not red but it’s the next obvious sign that you should bust out a pad or tampon depending on the time of day. Is this period talk making you uncomfortable? It really shouldn’t because periods are a part of womanhood. We all get them or have gotten them in the past; it’s Mother Nature’s cruel invention made to tell us “Hello, you’re not pregnant! See you in 28 days!”

Nothing has changed since then, they’re still pretty bad. I can manage going out for a whole day, but this is just me grinning and bearing it. Of course, I can’t just leave them alone, so these are some key ways I keep them at bay (the rhyming was unintentional):

  1. PAINKILLERS. Aleve, Tylenol, Advil, store-brand, generic brand, whatever you wanna call them or whatever you prefer. They should already be a necessity in your bathroom. I used to take only two ibuprofen and be done for the day, but since 2013 I bumped it up to 4. Two things about that:
    • DO NOT TAKE ALL OF THEM AT ONCE. My suggestion is to take two first. Wait about 10-30 minutes. If the pain hasn’t alleviated or worsens, take two more and consider it done.
    • DO NOT EXCEED 800 MCG. I personally have never done this and I don’t really know what would happen if I did, but I don’t really wanna know. Just don’t do it, okay?
  2. Makeshift laptop heating pad. You probably already use your laptop while you’re lying down anyway. The heat that comes from the bottom of my computer can work wonders when you’re cramping like mad. I should advise that while this has worked for myself and other girls, I sincerely DO NOT recommend doing this in an effort to replace a real heating pad. I’m just too poor to afford one. Try it every once in a while, but don’t make it a regular thing.
  3. Try not to think about it. This probably sounds like a moot idea when all you can think about are the cramps. They’re unavoidable. They want you to feel them. They take you for a weak bitch and try to ruin your day. But that’s where those cramps are sadly mistaken because you are the opposite of a weak bitch. You’re a strong woman who doesn’t take s^*# from ANYBODY, and cramps are nothing new to any of us. Try not to skip out on your day. Take some painkillers and really go about your day as usual. Before you know it, the day’s long gone! You’ll be thinking, “What cramps? I had cramps?”
  4. Yoga. Okay, I will admit I haven’t tried this specific practice out yet. But I have no qualms about this NOT working for your cramps. Yoga works for EVERYTHING: after a long day or week, stomachaches, indigestion, to boost confidence, anxiety reduction, the list is ENDLESS. I’ve been doing yoga since the beginning of this semester and holy moly, it’s a game changer. If you’re not able to attend a class, there is always Youtube (I highly recommend Yoga with Adriene, she’s super funny, personable and so encouraging that you never feel intimidated and you’re always pushed to do your best no matter what level of yoga you’re at, plus she has yoga practices for EVERYTHIIIIIIING)! This is the gist of it, but really I could go on about yoga for hours. In fact, I might just do that in a future blog post…*eyes emoji*

Periods can be the worst. Do I like the cramps, fatigue, mood swings, that pungent smell, and everything else that’s bad about them? No. But do I want to possibly stop having periods now?


Surprised? Sure, I’ve thought of what it’d be like to not have a period again. I even thought of getting a hysterectomy so I wouldn’t deal with periods again (but that’s just foolish)! But I actually kinda love getting periods. It’s a true sign of womanhood, and I love the sense of community it brings with other women, hence why I prefer living with other girls. You can’t ask a guy for a tampon.
There will come a time when I stop getting them, and I’ll be satisfied because I won’t have to deal with cramps anymore. But for now, my periods will gladly be here to stay.


Abeni, out!

P.S. I’m totally now on Facebook and this page is totally under construction (such is my life at the moment).


Adulthood Taught Me (And Will Definitely Teach You):

Okay, I can’t even attempt to hide it. Adulthood is hard and from the looks of it, it doesn’t look like it gets any easier. I mean, making phone calls??? Making my own appointments??? FILING TAXES???¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿?¿???¿????


Can someone hurry up and invent a time machine already so I can go back to being a kid and not have to worry about this stuff?

No, but seriously. Adulthood isn’t all that bad…it’s taught me some valuable lessons for living life. Like what, you say?

  1. Keep your expectations low. Too many times before in life, I’ve set my expectations high for an event…only to be disappointed when nothing happens or things go south. With this, I learned that if you lower your expectations, you can’t be disappointed when things don’t go the way you expected them to. You can just say “Well, I kind of expected that.” The lower you keep your expectations, the happier you’ll be.
  2. Don’t rely on anyone. If you must do this, then always have a backup plan. I cannot stress this enough. There are times when people do not or cannot follow through with what they have to do…sometimes it’s out of their control, or sometimes it’s due to their own neglect. In the words of King Koopa from the Super Mario Bros. Ice Capades (yes, this was a very real thing because the 1980s), “You want to dominate the world, you have to do it yourself.”
  3. Trust no one. Just. Don’t. Do it. At all. Don’t leave your drink unattended at a bar or at a party or ANYWHERE. Don’t get into anybody’s car that you don’t know very well or hardly know at all. At the end of the day, the only person you should be trusting is yourself. This is extraordinarily short because it’s pretty self-explanatory.
  4. Doing things alone is not, never was, and never will be “uncool”. Maybe during high school, yes, but there’s a reason nobody wants to relive high school. No doubt high school was the most awkward 4 years of my life, and considering all the awkward years I’ve had so far, this says a lot. But ever since I started university back in Fall 2015, it opened my eyes to a whole new way of living. Eating alone is normal; I see it all the time and I do it all the time. It’s okay to go to an event by yourself; I’ve done it many times now and have this to say to YOU: Wanna go to that concert but have no friends to go with? Go anyway. Wanna try out a new yoga class, but confused about whether it’d be weird to go alone? Don’t worry about that, just GO. Wanna see that new Ryan Gosling movie at the new luxury theater with reclining chairs and alcohol? JUST DO IT! I promise you, nobody will care at all if you show up alone, eat alone, or do whatever alone. It tells others that you’re independent and don’t need the metaphorical crutch of another person to have a great time!
  5. It’s better to have a few close friends than a bunch of acquaintances. Would you rather have a ton of phonies and fakes as your friends? Or would you rather have one real friend that’s there for you in your hardest times and truly understands you? As an introvert, I tend to prefer having close friends and I never cared for acquaintances. I always think about this situation: if you were sinking in quicksand, between some acquaintance who barely knows you on the surface and a close friend who knows more about me than others, who do you think would save you? I think you know the answer to that.
  6. Life goes on. Put simply, shit happens. It sucks when it happens, but that’s life. It’s not gonna stop for anybody. Case in point: I was supposed to volunteer one Friday at a homeschooling academy, but once I finally got to the place, NOBODY WAS EVEN THERE. Talk about a disappointment! I thought to myself, “Well, I kind of expected this to happen,” so while I was pissed off that I wasn’t going to spend some time volunteering and working with kids, I couldn’t let it get to me the whole day. And guess what – I didn’t. I got back to campus, bought some Huey Magoo’s and a peach smoothie, and surfed the net on my laptop in anticipation for my yoga class at 5. In a nutshell, you have to just roll with the punches and go on with your life.
  7. Listen to your intuition. Especially if you’re a woman like me, your intuition will never fail you. Getting good vibes from someone or something? Good, that’s a great sign. Proceed. Are you getting negative vibes from somebody or something? That’s your intuition telling you to get the hell out of dodge. Do not ignore it or disregard what your gut feelings are telling you.
  8. REVIEW YOUR RESUMES FOR MISTAKES BEFORE YOU SEND IT IN OR GIVE IT TO SOMEONE. At Intern Pursuit two weeks ago, I gave out resumes to the companies that I was able to speak to before the time ran out. What I didn’t realize until two days after the fact, was that I SPELLED ONE WORD WRONG! *cue shocked emoji*

Luckily for the ones I was still interested in, I was able to send in an updated resume in time along with my cover letter and I still got a phone interview for one. Yay! But seriously, proofread all your professional stuff before you send it to the head honchos, because if you misspell one word on there and you want to work as some type of writer, they’re probably gonna think you’re nucking futs and throw it in the trash can. Oh, and they’ll also call it a case of beautiful irony.

  • Honorary mention: Growing apart is totally normal and a part of life. I can say for sure I grew apart from pretty much everyone in high school, but after graduating in 2012 I held on to this hope for the next 3 years that my lunch crew would stick around. Fast forward to now, it feels like we’re all in different places in life physically, mentally, and socially. Are we as close as we used to be? Not really. Are we enemies now? No! It’s just LIFE. We get older, we get wiser (well, most people anyway), we learn new things, garner new interests, discover new opportunities, meet new people, gain new responsibilities and priorities. We never stop learning about ourselves and the world around us, and it contributes to our mental growth every day. In short, people change. Sadly, it can be for the worse with some, but for others, it can be for the better. If you’ve grown apart from friends before, do NOT blame yourself because you are NEVER at fault. That’s Life™!

This is by no means a finite list, but these little lessons are some of the most important ones I’ve learned in life. I will never stop learning.

Abeni, out!

P.S. The featured image is totally crude on purpose.